A New Playbook For Your Marriage

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New Plays for a Better Marriage

I don’t claim to be very knowledgeable about football but I do know that teams have different plays for different situations. The quarterback barks out some numbers, flips the ball to the guy behind him (whatever that position is) and everyone seems to know just what to do. Sometimes, they pass the ball or kick the ball or run the ball. Sometimes they catch the ball, put it on the ground and just stand there. Figure that one out. Can you imagine the chaos if the team did not memorize those plays and work together?

football photo

Photo by hyku

What if your marriage relationship could run as smoothly as those scoring football plays? Consider this analogy:

We each come from a different team called our family. From our families and life experiences, we create an individual playbook for life that includes how to communicate, resolve conflict, handle anger, solve problems and other interpersonal skills. When we marry, we create a new team; however, we bring our individual playbooks with us. Any team will have problems if they do not operate from a common playbook, and marriage teams are no exception.

When I got married, one of my separate plays read like this: If Alan loved and cared about me, he would know what I needed and wanted. Consequently, I expected him to “read my mind.” You can imagine how well that worked! Alan and I operated from separate playbooks for way too many years. Our common playbook now includes this play: Alan does love and care about Autumn. As a marriage team, it is her responsibility to bring her wants and needs to Alan in a way he can receive them. Sounds simple but learning how to do this is can get complicated.

If you want to develop some new plays around resolving conflict, you will want to attend the Northwest Marriage Conference on Feb 23 at Living Hope Church, 2711 NE Andresen in Vancouver, WA where MarriageTeam will conduct a breakout session on creating new plays for resolving conflict.

Autumn Ray and her husband Al are founding directors of Marriage Team


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