In so many ways, I’m still just an awkward middle school kid.
I wish that weren’t the case. But I look at my life sometimes and realize that I’m still just that awkward kid with headgear and a one-strap backpack trying to figure things out.
I still want a dog.
I thought when I moved out of the house I would get a place of my own, learn Korean and get a dog. I have a place of my own, but now I have a cat and a chinchilla and still only know how to say “hello,” “goodbye,” and “thank you” in Korean. I also never thought I’d be where I am right now. I guess I thought I’d have life figured out already.
I still drink the milk from my cereal. Thanks, Mom.
It’s habit. I remember my mom being so angry with my sister for wasting milk by pouring it down the drain. There are a lot of things I still do because my mom, sister or another teacher told me to – from things like keeping my flour in the fridge to not just opening the Bible and reading wherever I want, but actually taking time with it and reading context.
One negative thing can trainwreck my whole day.
At Bible study last night, we talked about how we could have 20 great things said about us, but we’d remember the 1 bad thing. I know I let small things upset the whole apple cart of my day and I hate it. But it still happens. It’s been happening since I was a kid. I want to change it, but it’s obviously still a long time in the making.
All that makes me really glad that God isn’t as impatient as I am. He lets me struggle through the same stuff, over and over and over, trying to teach me how to not fall back into the same pit that I’ve walked in for years. Someone told me once that God loves you no matter what you’ve done, where you’ve been or where you are – enough to not let you stay that way.
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